Kahleida (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kahleida) wrote,@ 2009-07-01 21:53:00 |
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Cracking Pavement, back to the Woods
I'm leaving for Oregon with Daniel tomorrow. We're off to the Autonomous Mutant Festival via Ashland.
I've never been to this particular outdoor party, but I'm excited because it seems like it will be a blast, Daniel's been going for a decade so it can't be that bad :P
It's sad that I missed Gemini this year, but really I didn't feel like it would be a good idea to show up given current situations. Oh well, times change, and I need to adapt.
I seem to be doing a better job at that than I thought I would. I still often think of myself as broken, that I can't handle stress, that I'm weak... because of the whole mental breakdown. But considering how slammed I've been at work (and getting up at 5:15am to do it), and trying to set up my apartment, and dealing with the divorce, I'm surprised at how well I've held up.
No major freakouts have occurred in recent months. I did end up crying at work and having to leave two hours early after I made the mistake of trying to deal with divorce paperwork on my lunch hour when I was already exhausted. Today I felt like shit after work and was afraid I couldn't possibly get everything packed, but Daniel came over and helped me out and everything is now ready to go.
Meanwhile at work, people are calling in sick left and right. We've had some easement in the past couple weeks, but still the workload is beyond reasonable for extended periods of time. Hence the frequent burnout of coworkers. I have the unfortunate position of opening the adoption area 3 days a week, something that *needs* to get done and thus is a problem if I call in sick, plus I'm a perfectionist and a people-pleaser, which results in me never calling in sick and working myself to death.
But of course the upside to that is constant proof that I can push myself and I won't break. I'm feeling the most stable I have in years actually, and the past year has been extremely clear memory wise, compared to previous years that were just a hazy blur.
I don't know how much of this has to do with the ending of my marriage. I don't blame anyone for the state I was in, but it's interesting to see how much I've improved. I really do feel like I needed to be living on my own like I am now, feeling independent.
So I'm really looking forward to this weekend, this is going to be a different outdoor party than all the previous ones I've been to. I'll be much more in control of my own actions. I have a feeling it will be a wild and wondrous adventure...
I'm leaving for Oregon with Daniel tomorrow. We're off to the Autonomous Mutant Festival via Ashland.
I've never been to this particular outdoor party, but I'm excited because it seems like it will be a blast, Daniel's been going for a decade so it can't be that bad :P
It's sad that I missed Gemini this year, but really I didn't feel like it would be a good idea to show up given current situations. Oh well, times change, and I need to adapt.
I seem to be doing a better job at that than I thought I would. I still often think of myself as broken, that I can't handle stress, that I'm weak... because of the whole mental breakdown. But considering how slammed I've been at work (and getting up at 5:15am to do it), and trying to set up my apartment, and dealing with the divorce, I'm surprised at how well I've held up.
No major freakouts have occurred in recent months. I did end up crying at work and having to leave two hours early after I made the mistake of trying to deal with divorce paperwork on my lunch hour when I was already exhausted. Today I felt like shit after work and was afraid I couldn't possibly get everything packed, but Daniel came over and helped me out and everything is now ready to go.
Meanwhile at work, people are calling in sick left and right. We've had some easement in the past couple weeks, but still the workload is beyond reasonable for extended periods of time. Hence the frequent burnout of coworkers. I have the unfortunate position of opening the adoption area 3 days a week, something that *needs* to get done and thus is a problem if I call in sick, plus I'm a perfectionist and a people-pleaser, which results in me never calling in sick and working myself to death.
But of course the upside to that is constant proof that I can push myself and I won't break. I'm feeling the most stable I have in years actually, and the past year has been extremely clear memory wise, compared to previous years that were just a hazy blur.
I don't know how much of this has to do with the ending of my marriage. I don't blame anyone for the state I was in, but it's interesting to see how much I've improved. I really do feel like I needed to be living on my own like I am now, feeling independent.
So I'm really looking forward to this weekend, this is going to be a different outdoor party than all the previous ones I've been to. I'll be much more in control of my own actions. I have a feeling it will be a wild and wondrous adventure...
